Your dad touched me again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They are going to name an STD after you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
