I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
