Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
