I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
