I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
