I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
