she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize