You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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