my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
