I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
