no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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