I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
