You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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