No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
