So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
