I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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