Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
