her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
