He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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