no, he came in my armpit
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
