I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
dude. I can hear the air.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
