just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
