we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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