i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
