I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
