You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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