Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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