Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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