hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
