i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
