Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
