Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
