You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
