just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
