when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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