You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
