sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
