i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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