I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
