he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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