He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
