His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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