i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
