Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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