After last night, I could never be a politician.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
