Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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