Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
