Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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