the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
smell my finger.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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