He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize