I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
