All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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