not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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