If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
