The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
