so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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