I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
