This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
