she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And then he peed in my hair
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