she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
