do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
