Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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