just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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