If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
