the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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