I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
