genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
